autum. God. Life. boredom. Algebrah?

autum is funny... i think.

summer was a growing exsperience. it got so stressful though..
so much stuff going on. School harder than ever..life harder than ever. new issues, new friends issues. so many new choices and the wrong ones looking more right than ever... that jsut a sumary of what the past month has been.

though it seems liek every year just as everyone gets used to summer and starts not caring wether its warm and not loathing the snow as much everything changes so drasticly. one days everything seems liek one giant stroek of green..everything loks the same..then they become every color imagin able. nothing the same and its not jsut one blah color to be bored with.

thats how its starting to be again in just normal life..with me anyway.
Its easy as a Christian..as a human to get used to and bored with even the most exciting wonderfull thing if its played to often. like playing the best cd over and over..you get sick of it eventualy.. youve memorised everyword and note and theres nothing else to do with it.

well.. God kinda...chaninging things up enough so that im not in a vegatative state anymore. for one example... theres this person at school.... let me tell you he is spectacular. i cant find a thing wrong iwth him! He talks to me...laughs with me... thinks that my snort is the most halarious thing...and thinks im the funniest girl in our class. He jokes with me and makes even the worst day better jsut with his unique smile. He has a good heart too. he's not quiet and shy and reclusive... hes outgoing but hes not anoying or obnoxious. He might even beat danielle eaton for valadictorian..super smart. He walks with me and sits by me in drama practice and in school when he could be haning out with other people. people who i see as more ..his level so to speak. im really starting to like him. latly...seems liek theres no one to talk to..and ive started praying for God to make it so i dont feel like...on edge like i do with pretty much everyone and maybe have soem1 who i can jsutrelax around and talk to honestly. and...this guy sudenly decides to include me in his life.


second thing.

friends. God taking out some people and putting in new ones. and im finding this strange courage to talk to people like ive never had before. im finding that real friends are like....the good grain from the chaf.... when wind comes the chaf gets blown away onto..where ever it likes and is to..not dense that it jsut cant stay down. like that verse in the Bible where its like..but those who dont ask in faith are like the waves tossed and turned by the wind.


Im learning what its liek to be a real friend not jsut some1 to laugh with. what its liek to earn trust instead of look for some1 to trust. learning how to listen instead of concetraiting on being heard.

also learning that listening to that gut feeling. call it God call it intuition(I lean mroe towards God) its a good idea. i used to be scared to ask a total stranger or a random person ive never talked to before in the hall way if "hey..are you ok?" even if they jsut shake it off and say "yea im good" they know some1 cared...im learning with people..that small insignificant moment can meen the whole world to some1.


its easy to get bored with life. but theres always something thats happening..always something to act on and ...even if your eyes cant see the end(paramore quote) or anything to learn..then its time to put what youve learned into action. im also finding as Richard said. the more you practice the better you get.


its like 8thgrade algebrah... yu dont know what to do to solve the problem but jsut start with what you know, the solution reveals itself as you go.

God.... how could i have ever thought i was bored with You? im glad even though im spiritualy still the little 8thgrader who didnt want to do school work because she didnt know how to do the whole problem off the top of her head. you still are the gentle loving teacher thats saying go ahead and try it. jsut do what you know.
thankyou for still even when i dont listen for still listening to me whine about all of it. and still being patient with me.